i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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