i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
