just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
