in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
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He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
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Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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