stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
