Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.