i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I met the friendliest cop last night
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
