so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
