I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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