Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
