Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Randomize
