May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize