ya dads aren't the best wingmen
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
