She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
