we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
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My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
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Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
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