plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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