i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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