I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
