I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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