No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
