I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Randomize
