Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
