dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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