I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
