I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize