I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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