Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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