quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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