I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
