dude i'm inner monologue high
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
