Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
