Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
