Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
