my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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