Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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