I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
