why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
