apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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