he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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