Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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