I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
