Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
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