How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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