oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
