She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
