I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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