This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
