oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
