Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
