Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
