you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize