I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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