My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
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