I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
You took a bar mat shot.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
