I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
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We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
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I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
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