He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
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as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
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Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
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