i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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