I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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