I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
