We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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