Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Is it penis luge time yet?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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