I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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